Country boys are wearing out calling cards
To most every male country singer Iâve heard on the radio this morning.....
First, Iâm on your side. Iâm rooting for you.
I think weâve got a lot in common. We probably like a lot of the same music.
But I donât believe you.
All day, youâve been singing rock songs to me about how country you are. And even country songs about how country you are. Itâs been âdirt roadâ this and âback roadâ that, and âparty in the woodsâ this and âredneck, hillbillyâ that.
Then thereâs been some stuff about fishing with cane poles, and skinny-dipping in the lake with some two-named girl. Was it Betty Sue? Wanda Lou?
And I donât believe you were on the dirt road to the barn party with your redneck, hillbilly friends. I donât believe the story about the lake. I donât even believe anyone under the age of 30 is named Wanda.
I know there are probably exceptions, but I will not be considering them on a case-by-case basis. I donât know why weâre so adamant about all of this, anyway. Why should I be interested that youâre so proud of where you say youâre from? Wasnât it kind of an accident of birth? Anyway, I like where Iâm from just fine, but it wasnât exactly my idea. It just sort of happened that way. And I could write a song about where Iâm from â the Palmetto State of South Carolina â and make it chock-full of country references and stuff about the cradle of the Confederacy and the buckle of the Bible Belt, about tobacco fields and whacky politicians (I guess Iâd leave out that last part).
But the truth is, you and I are from exactly the same place. Weâre from the home pretty near the interstate exit. You know the exit: The one with the Waffle House and the Sonic and the Applebees, close to the big box retail store.
Ah, the stuff of great country songs. Perhaps Iâll write an up-tempo number, bragging about how Iâm from one of the toughest suburbs in Columbia, S.C. Folks, you didnât want to mess with the Gardendale boys if you crossed over the wrong side of Pine Forest Trail.
Anyway, you and I, if our necks are red, itâs not from plowing the fields, itâs from leaning out the driverâs window on a hot summer day to place our onion ring order at the Sonic.
There exists a grand country music tradition of writing about southern lifestyles, about good country people and bad country people and about the ways that common men and women bide their time, mourn and celebrate. I dig Hank Williams â âJambalayaâ and Mel McDaniel âs âLouisiana Saturday Nightâ and Jason Aldeanâs agrarian rumination, âAmarillo Sky.
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I’d rather be hit by a can of your favorite domestic beer than hear you name-check that beer one more time when you’re singing about the party in the woods that you know darn well the three people who wrote the song in a metropolitan Nashville
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